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以下お題で文章作りました、文法添削頂けると助かります

If you could travel back in time to meet a loved one, what person would you like to meet and why?
Include specific examples and details in your explanation.

If I could travel back in time, I would like to meet my great grandfather who died when I was very young. The main reason I would like to talk to him about his interesting life. He was a city mayor. At that time, the city was not adequately-resourced health service. For improving medical care system, he made a great effort to make hospital complex. Additionally, he loved his family. Since he was very busy, he could not meet his children, so, he called to them from his office, writes a letter, and recorded his voice to let them read a picture book. I would like to talk to him about love and serve people.

A 回答 (2件)

見落としがありました。


>Since he was very busy, he could not meet his children
の部分を修正して入れれば、
Another reason is that, despite the fact that he could not often meet his children because he was so busy, he loved his family so much that he phoned them from his office, wrote letters, and sent recorded readings of picture books so that they can read them easily.
になりました。
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If I could travel back in time, I would like to meet my great grandfather who died when I was very young. First of all, I would like to talk to him about his interesting life as a city mayor. The city hadn't been/was not able to provide adequately-resourced health services before/until he made the hospital complex. He made a great effort to improve medical care systems. Another reason is that he loved his family so much that he phoned them from his office, wrote letters, and send recorded readings of picture books to let us read them easily. Finally, I would like to talk wih him about love and serving people, which I think is the most important thing in life.


とかどうでしょう。
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