(簡単なご指摘で大助かりです)
-
テキストの問題:あなたが最近聞いたニュースの感想や考えたことを簡潔に書きなさい。

私の文:
The King and queen of the Himalayan nation of Bhutan attended a state banquet at the imperial Palace in Tokyo on Wednesday.
I saw them coming on TV.
I have heard the nation's name, but I don't know where it is.
It is famous that a poll says a lot of Bhutan people feel happy.
We Japanese also happy economically, but it is dubious that we feel really happy from the point of mental.
※ヒマラヤのブータンの国王夫妻が水曜日に東京の皇居で開かれた晩餐会に出席しました。
私は国王夫妻が来たことをテレビで見ました。
国の名前を聞いたことがあったけど、どこにあるか分かりません。
世論調査で幸せと回答する国民が多いことで有名です。
私たち日本人は経済的には幸せですが、精神面で幸せかどうか疑問です。

よろしくお願いいたします。
本当に簡単な添削で大助かりです。
尚、よろしければ私の文の内容について感想を英文でお寄せいただけると、誠に勝手ながら更に勉強になりますので、是非ともよろしくお願いいたします。

A 回答 (1件)

Before I give you grammatical advice to each single sentence, I would like to give you general comments on how to construct an essay.



I am not sure where the question is from, but most of the time, essays to any question like that should have a clear statement which has a clear position followed by some supporting reasons. So in your case, I recommend that you first start your essay by raising a question such as:

The other day, I watched TV and learned that the king and queen of the Himalayan nation of Bhutan attended a state banquet at the Imperial Palace in Tokyo on Wednesday. I have heard the nation's name, but I don't know where it is. However, according to a poll many of the citizens of the nation feel happy about their everyday life. Then I have come to a question that we, the Japanese people, who are much richer economically, really feel mentally happy about their life. Why do the Himalayan feel happy even though there are not economically rich?

(This part is called "intruduction" where you raise a question or issue to discuss. Then you move on to the "body" where you give 2 or 3 reasons to answer the questions you raised. Then finally in "conclusion" you insist on your opinion)

Body:
In my opinion in order to feel happy, we need...
It is also important ...

Conclusion:
Therefore I strongly believe that ...
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この回答へのお礼

ご回答ありがとうございました。
文法+文の構成ということですね。
意識して頑張ります。
according to
many of the citizens
feel mentally happy
などなど、沢山ご指摘ありがとうございました。
御礼申し上げます。

お礼日時:2011/11/26 11:12

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