プロが教える店舗&オフィスのセキュリティ対策術

【英文添削のお願い】外国人のいとこたちに漢字の名前の意味と共にプレゼントしようと思っています。そこで、作成した英文の添削をお願いしたいです。

自分なりに頑張って時間をかけて考えた文章なので、なるべく単語や表現、文脈などは変えず、文法ミスや不自然な箇所などのみ添削して頂けると嬉しいです。よろしくお願い致しますm(_ _)m

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藍仁咲(アニサ)
…藍の凛々しい青のように、クールで美しく、芯の強い女性。人の気持ちに敏感で、とても面倒見が良い。また、地頭が良く勤勉で、親しみやすく(打ち解けやすく)、信頼も置ける。春の野ばらに咲く色とりどりの花のように豊かな感情を持つ。

A cool, beautiful and strong-willed girl like the dignified blue of indigo. She is sensitive to others’ feelings and tries to care them very well. She is bright, diligent, approachable and trustworthy as well. Her emotions are as colorful as a variety of flowers bloom all over the spring field.


莉扶兎(リファット)
…花の王ジャスミンの穏やかで上品な香りのように、女性らしく寛大で愛想がよく、人を惹きつけ癒す魅力を持つ女性。人の痛みに深く共感し、寄り添い、手を差し伸べることが出来る。また、子うさぎのように小さく愛らしい。

An amiable, feminine and tolerant person who has a charm of attracting and healing people like the mild and elegant scent of jasmine, the king of flowers. She can give her hand to others by feeling and accepting their pains deeply. Also, she is as small and cuddly as bunnies.


愛美菜(アミナ)
…一面の菜の花畑に開く小さな一輪のように、可愛らしく元気で飾り気のない少女。身も心も清く美しく、また、とても愛情深くしっかりとしている。彼女のその様は、周囲の人々に明るさと幸福をもたらす。

An adorable, cheerful and artless girl as a single tiny flower opens in the entirely yellow canola field. She is pure and beautiful both inside out, and really affectionate and responsible. Such her nature brings happiness and positiveness to the people around her.
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日本語の文章と多少ミスマッチの部分がありますが、それは英訳をしていくうちに、表現を変えた方が良いと思った箇所なのであまり気にしないで下さい(>_<)

A 回答 (2件)

英文を先に読みましたが、どれも完璧に通じますので、そのままで問題ないと私は思いますよ。



ちょっとにわかには意味がつかめなかったのが、
An adorable, cheerful and artless girl as a single tiny flower opens in the entirely yellow canola field.
で、
An adorable, cheerful and artless girl like a single tiny flower opening in the entirely yellow canola field.
とするだけで、グッとわかりやすくなると思いました。
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藍仁咲(アニサ)


She is sensitive to others’ feelings and tries to care them very well. → She is sensitive to others’ feelings and is very caring towards them.
Her emotions are as colorful as a variety of flowers bloom all over the spring field.→Her emotions are as colorful as a variety of flowers blooming all over the spring field.

莉扶兎(リファット)
jasmine → Jasmine
Also, she is as small and cuddly as bunnies. → Also, she is as small and cuddly as a bunny.

愛美菜(アミナ)
An adorable, cheerful and artless girl as a single tiny flower opens inthe entirely yellow canola field. → An adorable, cheerful and simple girl as a single tiny flower opens in the entirely yellow canola field.
Such her nature brings happiness and positiveness to the people around her. → As such her nature brings happiness and positivity to the people around her.
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