大学受験対策の自由英作文の添削をお願いします。

テーマは「行きたい場所について」です。

字数制限は65～74文字。


The place where I want to go is the Louvre.

Now I can't understand how wonderful art is, but I wish I was able to be interested in it.

If I can make art out, I will broaden my views and have different ideas.

I think the Louvre may change my life and me.

Therefore I want to go there in order to make my life rich.

67words


第一文で主題を提起、第二～四文が理由、第五文でまとめ、という構成にしました。

文法・論理的展開について指摘して下さると助かります^^

では、よろしくお願いします！

No.1 ベストアンサー 回答者： jpintexas 回答日時： 2011/01/05 03:42

>The place where I want to go is the Louvre.

The Louvre(Museum) is one of my favorite places to visit.

#You need to explain what is this museum and where it is located.

>Now I can't understand how wonderful art is, but I wish I was able to be interested in it.

"Although my knowledge in art is very limited, I wish I could learn more about its beauty through my visit of national museum "

#The above sentence stands apart from the previous one. You need to explain why you are interested in art.

>If I can make art out, I will broaden my views and have different ideas.

Need to explain in what way an art helps broaden your cultural horizons.

>I think the Louvre may change my life and me.

Why? You need to provide the reasons for this.

Comments: You need to bring your thesis-statement first, and make your point very clearly. Also, you need to work on your line of reasoning.

この回答へのお礼

添削ありがとうございました^^

論理的に文章を構成できるよう頑張ります！！

お礼日時：2011/01/21 01:04