親子におすすめの新型プラネタリウムとは?

その人のことが頭から離れないのであれば恋愛しているのだと私は思う。
本を読んでいる時や、電車の中で景色を見ている時や、音楽を聴いている時も
中学の時の同級生である。彼女は美人で学校の成績も常にトップでなによりピアノが好きな子だった。おしとやかな性格と女らしさに惹かれていた人も少なくないはずだ。
体育祭のリレーでバトンを手渡された際に応援された時は嬉しかった。
音楽の授業では、その子と席が隣になったこともあり、胸がドキドキして話すことができなかった。私は恋に堕ちた。これではいけないと思った私は彼女と進展したいと思ったので、美術の授業の時に思い切って話しかけた。好きな食べ物は何か?兄弟はいるのか?どこの高校に進学するのか?部活は何をしているのか?彼女は落ち着いた口調で顔色一つ変えることなく話した。華奢な少女の醸し出す雰囲気はどこか大人らしい。しだいに緊張が解けて親しくなり、2学期に思い切って彼女に自分の思いを伝えた。彼女の返事は期待に沿うものではなかったが、私と彼女は励ましあった。お互い志望校に合格することを。
数日後、私と彼女は無事志望校に合格した。高校はどちらも違うところへ進学した。
私は彼女に感謝している。彼女に接したおかげで高校受験を頑張れたのだと…。
それから10年ぶりにインターネットのブログで彼女に再会した。
彼女は現在中学で音楽の教鞭を執っている。休みの日も生徒たちのことで頭がいっぱいで多忙だそうだ。

I think I’m in love with someone if I can’t get her out of my mind.
For example, when I read a book, view a scene on the train, and listen to the music.
She was a junior high school classmate. She is beautiful and always has a top grade of
studies , and she loves to play the piano. Many students must be fascinated her elegant and famine character. I was happy that I handed a baton and encouraged from her in race on the sports festival. I had a chance that we were next to seat at music class, but I couldn’t talk this is because my heart was always beating. This is not good situation I thought. I fell in love with her. I jumped in with a comment in order to get along with her at art class. What is your favorite food? Do you have a brother or sister? Where are you going to advance school? What clubs do you belong to? She had no nervous and not change her face. An atmosphere of little girl’s create an aura seemed to be mature. We opened gradually up and I told her my mind. Her answer was not good but we encouraged each other for entering the high school we want.
A few days later, we passed successfully but she went to another high school.
Thanks to meet her, I did my best for the entrance exam of high school and got a good experience.10 years later, I met again her on the internet blog.

このQ&Aに関連する最新のQ&A

A 回答 (2件)

素敵な物語ですね・・・小説みたいです。

とりあえず気になったところをいくつか指摘します。

I think I’m in love with someone if I can’t get her out of my mind.
For example, when I read a book, view a scene on the train, and listen to the music.
She was (1)a junior high school classmate. (2)She is beautiful and always has a top grade of studies , and she loves to play the piano. (3)Many students must be fascinated her elegant and famine character. I was happy that (4)I handed a baton and (5)encouraged from her in race on the sports festival. I had a chance that we were next to (6)seat at music class, but I couldn’t talk (7)this is because my heart was always beating. This is not good situation I thought. (8)I fell in love with her. I jumped in with a comment in order to get along with her at art class. What is your favorite food? Do you have a brother or sister? (9)Where are you going to advance school? What clubs do you belong to? (10)She had no nervous and not change her face. (11)An atmosphere of little girl’s create an aura seemed to be mature. (12)We opened gradually up and I told her my mind. Her answer was not good but we encouraged each other for entering the high school we want.
A few days later, we passed successfully but she went to another high school.
Thanks to meet her, I did my best for the entrance exam of high school and got a good experience.10 years later, I met again her on the internet blog.

(1)「a」ではなく、「my」の方が正しいです。

(2)、(3)どうやらこれは十年前の出来事の話のようなので、すべて過去形で表すこと。

(4)handだけでは私が誰かに「受け渡す」という能動態の意味になります。「受け渡される」と書きたいのであれば受動態の形にしましょう。

(5)同様に受動態の形にしましょう。あと、「from」ではなくて「by her」が正しいです。

(6)「her」をつけましょう。

(7)this is becauseは主文の形なので、これで副詞句を作ることはできません。なので「because」だけでOK!

(8)ん?突然なんだ?「これじゃいけない!」って思ったから、話しかけようと思ったのですよね?じゃあここは不要。代わりに「so」などでつなげましょう。

(9)文法的に誤り。正しくは「Which high school are you going to advance?」と書きます。あと彼女への疑問の台詞も" "をつけるか、あるいは間接話法を用いて、「Did she have a brother or sister?」と書く。

(10)have+補語の形はとれません。ここは「seem」など動詞を使うか、あるいは簡単に「be動詞」。そしてここも過去形で。

(11)「her」にする。あと、ofのあとは動名詞なので、「creat」を「creating」とする。
    • good
    • 0

続きです。



I think I’m in love with someone if I can’t get her out of my mind.
For example, when I read a book, view a scene on the train, and listen to the music.
She was (1)a junior high school classmate. (2)She is beautiful and always has a top grade of studies , and she loves to play the piano. (3)Many students must be fascinated her elegant and famine character. I was happy that (4)I handed a baton and (5)encouraged from her in race on the sports festival. I had a chance that we were next to (6)seat at music class, but I couldn’t talk (7)this is because my heart was always beating. This is not good situation I thought. (8)I fell in love with her. I jumped in with a comment in order to get along with her at art class. What is your favorite food? Do you have a brother or sister? (9)Where are you going to advance school? What clubs do you belong to? (10)She had no nervous and not change her face. (11)An atmosphere of little girl’s create an aura seemed to be mature. (12)We opened gradually up and I told her my mind. (13)Her answer was not good but we encouraged each other (14)for entering the high school (15)we want.
A few days later, we passed successfully but she went to another high school.
(16)Thanks to meet her, I did my best for the entrance exam of high school and got a good experience. 10 years later, I met again her on the internet blog.

(12)副詞の位置がおかしい。正しくは「we gradually opened up」

(13)意味的にバツ。例えば「Her answer was different from what I hoped.」だとbetrer!

(14)「for」じゃなくって「to」

(15)「we wanted to」が正しい。

(16)「thanks to O」という形なので、「meet」を「meeting」になおす。
    • good
    • 0
この回答へのお礼

ご丁寧にありがとうございました。

ノンフィクションラブストーリーでした。

お礼日時:2011/01/13 00:04

お探しのQ&Aが見つからない時は、教えて!gooで質問しましょう!


人気Q&Aランキング