旅の感想

添削をお願いします。

I’ve been stayed in Hawaii every year.
There fore,
I need not especially do anything.
I and my friend usually watched Fura show ,shopping,awimming and make dinner.

This time
We went to Aquarium and climbed Diamond Head.
So,we went to “Made in Hawaii festival.
I love it.
The friend who live here took me to dinner.
I was glad. I had a wonderful time.
This travel was very happu.

No.1 ベストアンサー 回答者： akijake 回答日時： 2006/09/07 11:59

こんにちは。

目だったところを指摘させて下さい。

まず改行が必要ないところで改行しているように思います。
therefore, の後、This timeの後など。

I’ve been stayed in Hawaii every year.
every yearと習慣的な行動の時は、普通に現在形でよいと思います。
I go/come to Hawaii every year.

There fore,
Thereforeは一文字です。

I need not especially do anything.
especiallyの使い方がちょっと違和感です。
I don't have to do anything special.
I don't really need to do anything.
It's ok not to have anything special.
などと言ってみてはどうでしょうか？

I and my friend usually watched Fura show ,shopping,awimming and make dinner.
ここは過去形と原形と進行形がめちゃくちゃに出てきますので、
My friend and I usually go to watch Fura show, go shopping and swimming, and cook dinner together.
とかにしてみては？
「一緒にFuraショーを見に行き、買い物や泳ぎに行き、夕食を作ります」
と言う風になります。

ここまでは、これまで毎年言った時にこんな事をするんだ、というお話だと思うので、現在形でよいと思います。

So,we went to “Made in Hawaii festival.
このsoがどうしてここにあるのか、ちょっと判りません。
Soは「だから」「なので」とかなので、「また」「あと」と言う意味でalsoを加えて、
We also went to“Made in Hawaii festival.
とかでどうでしょうか。

The friend who live here took me to dinner.
livedと時勢を一致させると良いです。これは日本に帰って来てからの話だと思うので、
who lived "there"
でないとおかしくなってしまいます。

I was glad. I had a wonderful time

ここは、glad よりもhappyとかの方が、いいような気がします。
I was so happy to have a wonderful time.
など。

This travel was very happu.
travelがhappyとは言いませんので、
This travel was really wonderful/very nice.
などにしてみては？

細かいかも知れませんが基本的なことですので・・・・＾＾；

No.2 回答者： noname#21327 回答日時： 2006/09/07 12:08

I like to come to Hawaii every year, to spend a happy time with my friends.

This year, we took a look for the Aquarium and climbed over Diamond Head. After that, we enjoyed fantastic "Made in Hawaii festival" and took a dinner at my friend's house.
I had a nice travel this time, too.

こんな意味でしょうか？