助けてください（至急）

今私は英語で自己紹介文をかいています。
I live in Nayoro Hokkaido,
I think that Nayoro is the most wonderful place in the world.
I have a lot of reasons for that.
First, I can see very beautiful stars in the sky, and　1（ Air is clear）, I like nature of Nayoro. I play snow board at winter, soft tennis at summer.
Second, foods is delicious, I think Rice cake is most famaous food and It is my favorite food.
Third, Nayoro's People is very kind.They are always smile, made me happy.


ほんのちょっと一部分なんですが、まず最初　1（）の英文で空気がおいしという意味になるでしょうか？
あとはこの英文で読んでいて通じないところなおしたらいいところはどこでしょうか？カンマ　ピリオドの打ち方はどーですか？
最後にこれでなよろの話は終わろうと思うんですがだいじょぶでしょうか？

No.1 回答者： nekomac 回答日時： 2009/12/03 22:26

I live in Nayoro (city) of Hokkaido.

I think that Nayoro is the most wonderful place in the world.
I have a lot of reasons for that.
First, the sky is so clear that stars look very beautiful, besides air is fresh.
共通の認識、すなわち誰が見ても綺麗な空と星という意味であれば、I can see よりも、上の言い方はどうでしょうか？
so.....that 構文を使ってみました。
（第一に、空がとっても澄んでいるので星がすごく綺麗に見えるし、空気が新鮮です）
という意味になります。
we can play snow board( in) winter and soft tennis( in) summer.
四季の前には、in を使います。

Second, food is very delicious.
I think rice cake is most famous food in (of)...., and it is my favorite one.
.....のところには～の中で、という意味で何かを入れなければなりません。
most famous food 　要するに、もっとも有名、と言うならば何の中で有名なのかを言わなければなりません。
でなければ、most を使わないで、very famous food にするとか、、、

Third,( people in Nayoro ) are very kind.
They always smile and make me(others) happy.
過去の話ではなく、今現在の話ですので、make です。
これだけでは、何となく尻切れトンボみたいですので、
That's why I like Nayoro.　か
These are the reason I love Nayoro.
で終わると良いと思います。

この回答への補足

My name is Mari Nakano. I’m 16　years old, and a high school student.
I study at Nayoro High School. The size of our school is small with about 450 students.
I live in Nayoro of Hokkaido, I think that Nayoro is the most wonderful place in the world. I have a lot of reasons for that.
First, the sky is so clear that stars look very beautiful, besides air is fresh, I like nature of Nayoro. We can play snow board in winter and soft tennis in summer.
Second, Foods is delicious, I think Rice cake is very famous food and It is my favorite one. It is so delicious to eat the rice cake, which was made by myself.
Third, people in Nayoro is very kind. They always smile and make me others happy.
These are the reason I love Nayoro.

I like American culture such I can enjoy watching American films and listening to American music. My favorite American film title is Enchanted . I have watched this movie many times. Usually I listen to Japanese pop music, and sometimes I listen to Western music. I like Back street boys, Ne-Yo, and Avril Lavigne.
By the way , I don’t like is things is mouse, a carrot, a ghost. Because mouse is that color and (鳴き声), a carrot is that taste, a ghost　is frightening .

I am on the soft tennis team. I have been playing soft tennis for four years. Our practice has been so hard that I've often thought about quitting, but my friends always supported me and encouraged me. The best part about being part of the team is that I've made a lot of good friends. I am proud of my friends. Now we are working hard and getting ready for the meet

My Hobby is snowboarding. I want to go snowboarding in a lot of mountains in winter. I have been snowboarding for eight years. When I was elementary school,
I went to snowboarding every day near the house mountain,and I've had my fore teeth broken when snowboarding. But I like snowboarding.

Finaly, I introduce my family. My family are five , father, mother, brother, and sister. I am the youngest of my family. My father is 52 years old, my mother is 50 years old, my brother is 25 years old, my sister is 22 years old. we are very　on good terms. so I enjoying every day and I love famiry.

すいません。全文ができたんですけどみてもらうことは可能ですか？？

補足日時：2009/12/03 23:31

No.2 回答者： nekomac 回答日時： 2009/12/13 12:29

こんにちは、補足いただいていたんですね？

今気づいたんですが、この補足何時いただいたのでしょうか？
まだ、今でも添削して欲しいですか？
前半は大体良いと思いますが、後半はかなり、手直しが必要な気がします。
もし、まだ、添削が必要ならその旨ご返事ください。