英作文の添削をお願いします。

英作文の添削をお願いします。

【QUESTION】
Some people say that young people today are not kind enough to elderly people. What do you think about that?


【Answer】
I do not think that young people are not kind to elderly people.
There are two reasons why I think so.
First of all, I often see such like situation that young people give their seat at the train and bus.
The elderly people look like happy at that time.
Also, many young people often visit elderly people.
For instance, I visit my grandfather and grandmother every week.
I think that this movement makes them exciting.
Because of all reasons above, young people are kind to them.

No.1 回答者： ShowMeHow 回答日時： 2020/06/29 17:12

I often see such like situation that young people give their seat at the train and bus.

⇒I often see young people giving their seats to the elderly on trains and on buses.
The elderly people look like happy at that time.
⇒The elderly people look happy when they are given the seats.
Also, many young people often visit elderly people.
⇒Second, many young people often visit elderly people.
I think that this movement makes them exciting.
⇒I think that this action stimulates them and makes them excited.
Because of all reasons above, young people are kind to them.
⇒For these reasons, I believe young people are kind enough to elderly people.

まあ、英語的にはこんな感じなのかもしれないけど、論理はかなり詭弁。