明日、英語のスピーチの発表で困っています。英語の添削お願いします！急いでます＞＜

明日英語のスピーチで発表なのですが、添削お願いいたします。

In this summer vaction,I could do a many things I wanted to do such as a trip,a part time job,meeting old friends and so on.Everything was good and I had a good time.
Today I will talk to you about highscool basketball club's tratraining camp.In this summer,I took part in the training camp as a coach and went to Gumma for three days.Sice I entered university,I have had few opportunities of playing basketball.Therefore I played basketball after a long time at the training camp.Because I lost a lot of strength,I thought the training camp was very busy and hard.On the other hand,I thought it was pleasant that I exercise too.I watched high school students who devoted themself to club activities desperately and longed for my high school life.From the experience of this year, now I think I want to go again next year.Thank you for listening.

No.4 回答者： KappNets 回答日時： 2009/09/30 10:11

添削してみました。

説明は長くなるので質問があればお答えします。
In this summer vacation, I did many things I wanted to do such as trips, part time jobs, meeting old friends and so on. Everything was good and I had a good time.
Today I will talk to you about a high-school basketball club's training camp. In this summer, I took part in a training camp as a coach and went to Gumma for three days. I have had few opportunities of playing basketball after I entered the university, and it was after a long absence that I played basketball. I found the training very hard and found that I had lost a lot of muscle strength. Still, it was a pleasure to exercise my body. I watched high school students devote themselves to club activities, and that made me remember my own high school life. I think I would like to participate in the camp again next year. Thank you for listening.

No.3 回答者： otsugiri 回答日時： 2009/09/30 00:05

いくつかあくまで私の意見ですが。

Everything was good and～のところですが、このgoodはniceとか
別の単語に変えてみてはどうでしょうか。類語辞典参照。
Today I will talk to you about～のところですが、willではなく
現在形でよいのと、to youはいらないでしょう。
Today I talk aboutまたはToday I want to talk aboutとして
よいと思います。
went to Gumma for three days.のところですが、
went to Gumma and stayed there for three days.としては
いかがでしょうか。
I thought it was pleasant that I exercise too.のところですが、
exercisedにするということと、「～とも思った」という意味で
tooを置いているのだと思いますが、わかりにくいのでalsoを
Iの後とかpleasantの前とかに置くとよいかと思います。

急ぎということで詳しい解説は書けませんがこのくらいでしょうか。

No.2 回答者： cowlon 回答日時： 2009/09/29 23:56

小さな過ちはありますけど、立派な文章だと思います。

直してしまったら完璧すぎて怪しく見えると思います。
自信を持ってスピーチ頑張ってくださいね。

この回答へのお礼

わざわざ見ていただいて、本当にありがとうございます＞＜
がんばります。

お礼日時：2009/09/30 01:14

No.1 回答者： blazin 回答日時： 2009/09/29 23:38

I could do a many things ～は文法的にも語呂的にも問題ありだよね☆

この回答への補足

打ち間違えました、すみません。
はじめa lot of　にしてたもので＾＾；
ありがとうございます！

補足日時：2009/09/29 23:47