英文の手直しをお願いします。 「結果として、彼は私に決断力がいかに大切か教えてくれたが、私にはまだそ

英文の手直しをお願いします。

「結果として、彼は私に決断力がいかに大切か教えてくれたが、私にはまだそれが足りていないと思う。だから、彼のような決断力のある男になるために、私には多くの進歩が必要だ。」

「As a result, he made me realize how important determination is, but I think that I'm lacking in it. Therefore, I need a lot of improvement to become a man of decisiveness like him.」

本当に拙いですが、よろしくお願いします。

No.2 回答者： foreign-accent 回答日時： 2019/01/20 12:23

アメリカ人高校生が添削して二カ所変更してる。

determinationとdecisivenessは意味が違う。

As a result, he made me realize how important determination is, but I think that I lack it. Therefore, I need a lot of improvement to become a man with determination like him.


ついでにNo.1の回答者の添削もしたのでのせとく。日本語に訳すのが面倒だから本人が書いたものそのままのせとく。

Dear No.1 poster,

I would like to make some suggestions for your writing.

"After all" is not a proper substitute for "as a result", "to what extent the resolution is important" refers to how important the solution is, while the OP is trying to say how he/she realized how important determination is, not just the solution.

"he show me to what extent...", it should be "he showed me to what extent", in the past tense.

The semicolon shouldn't be there. Semicolons are used to link two different independent clauses that could be written as two separate sentences.

When you say "still insufficient for me", you're saying the opposite of what the OP wants to say, they want to say that they are lacking determination, not that they are not getting enough determination.

Lastly, your phrase "numerous progresses" doesn't make sense. Progress is already plural, and cannot be made progress(es).

No.1 回答者： 空色の列車 回答日時： 2019/01/19 22:29

んん、文法的には間違ってないけど いかにも日本人らしい ぎこちない英語ですね。

では、僭越ながら 手直しさせていただきます。

After all, he show me to what extent the resolution is important ; which seems still insufficient for me. That's why I need numerous progresses to be a man as decisive as him.