添削してください

学校のテストに備え、「華氏９１１を見て」というテーマで英語で感想を書きました。

よろしかったら、添削してください。明日の午後がテストなので出来れば早い回答をお願い致します。
よろしくお願い致します。

I saw the backgrounds of the Iraq war in this movie. One is that Bush has a close relation to bin Laden. Another is that Iraq was attacked nevertheless Iraq has nothing to do with the terrorism which occurred on September 11th 2001. And the most surprising scene is that a lot of young people who live in a country can do nothing but go to military forces because they cannot get a job. In the movie, two soldiers visited a certain town and asked some young men to join the army. Some of them decided to join it. That is, the poor person is made to go to the war so that a rich layer profits. I think such a tyranny should be never permitted.

Honestly speaking, I think Fahrenheit 9/11 is a political advertising movie. In fact, some people dislike it. However it is a fact that Bush invaded unrelated Iraq to terrorism and innocent people are killed and injured. On a basis of this fact, I cannot help conceiving that Bush should resign and withdraw the troop from Iraq. It is necessary to decrease victims as soon as possible. And Japan should deliberate again about Iraq War and Self-Defense Forces.

But regrettably, I cannot make Bush resign directly because I am not American and do not have an American franchise. So I will watch the news about the Iraq and think what I can do.

No.1 ベストアンサー 回答者： esistdas 回答日時： 2005/01/14 02:06

・Another is that Iraq was attacked nevertheless *Iraq* has nothing to do with the terrorism which occurred on September 11th 2001.

2番目のIraqは繰り返しなので、言い換えましょう。itでもいいし、the countryでもいいと思います。また、この国がテロと関係ないというのは、現在もそうなのか、当時のことにのみ言及するのかはっきりさせましょう。もし後者ならば、had nothing～となります。

・And the most surprising scene is that a lot of young people who live in *a country* can do nothing but go to military forces because they cannot get a job.
a countryとは、不特定・一般の国（極端に言えば、どの国にも当てはまる。たとえ日本でも）なのか、あえて国名を伏せるけれども特定の某国なのか。私はどちらでもなく、the countryとすべきではないかと思います。また、最初のcanはしっくりこない気がします。

・In the movie, two soldiers visited a certain town and *asked* some young men to join the army. Some of them decided to join it. That is, the poor person *is made to* go to the war so that a rich layer profits.
askしたのに結果として強制していた、というのはおかしな話に聞こえます。また、some of themが強制されたのに、これを説明するthat is以下でthe poor man isのように、単数で受けているのはよろしくないと思います。さらに、現在時制isで受けるのも変な感じです。

・I think such a tyranny should be never permitted.
neverはshouldとbeの間に。

・However it is a fact that Bush invaded unrelated Iraq to terrorism and innocent people are killed and injured.
to terrorismが何を意味するのか不明です。

・And Japan should deliberate again about Iraq War and [its] Self-Defense Forces.
deliberateにaboutはなくてもかまいません。どうしてもと言うなら、onやoverなどでしょう。

・But regrettably, I cannot make Bush resign directly because I am not American and do not have an American franchise.
THE American franchiseですね。

・So I will watch the news about the Iraq and think what I can do.
この場合、newsとIraqにtheは不要だと思います。

この回答へのお礼

どうもありがとうございました。
文法的な間違いも多くお恥ずかしい限りです。
早速訂正して、テストにのぞみます。

お礼日時：2005/01/14 08:54