以下の英文の添削をお願いします。

場面は英語の授業での自己紹介です。

I joined this class because I want to talk more and more with people in other country,... and also the people in this class. Now I wil
l introduce myself. I belong to the economic department. studying economics,management and accounting is very interesting. I´d like to understand the flow of money,things and services.
(On the other hand, I don´t like math and statistics. This is between you and me. Sh!)
These days,I became interested in
ice skating.It was triggered by Pyeong Chang Olympics,where yuzuru hanyu won a gold medal. His performance had sharp beauty which can´t be expressed by anything except ice skate. I was fascinated.

No.3 回答者： signak 回答日時： 2018/04/27 17:01

Hi, everyone, the reason why I've joined this class is that I want to talk and communicate with more and more people in the world.

Now I will introduce myself. I belong to the economic department of an university, and I'm studying economics, management and accounting, which are very interesting for me. I´d like to understand the flow of money, goods and services.

(On the other hand, I don´t like math and statistics. I hope you keep in mind that this is just between you and me.)

These days, I've come to be interested in ice skating. It was triggered by Pyong Chang Olympics, where Yuzuru Hanyu won the gold medal.

His ice skating performance was sharp and beautiful and it was hard to replace for anyone else, that's why I was fascinated in skating.

この回答へのお礼

読みやすい自然な英語に直してくださりありがとうございます。参考に致します。

お礼日時：2018/04/30 13:31

No.2 回答者： diolayzel2017 回答日時： 2018/04/27 15:06

I joined this class because I want to talk more and more with people in other country,... and also the people in this class.

↑ becauseの前まではOKです。because I want to talk with more people from other countries としましょう。

Now I will introduce myself. I belong to the economic department. studying economics,management and accounting is very interesting.
economic department. studying は、Stuyingと最初のsを大文字にしましょう。また、この文は、I enjoy studying economics, management and accounting every day.としてもいいのではないかと思います。

(On the other hand, I don´t like math and statistics. This is between you and me. Sh!)
括弧の中は、In other words, I don't like math and statistics.とした方がよいでしょう。

These days, I became interested in ice skating. It was triggered by Pyeong Chang Olympics, where yuzuru hanyu won a gold medal. His performance had sharp beauty which can´t be expressed by anything except ice skate. I was fascinated.
↑羽生結弦さんは固有名詞なので、 Yuzuru Hanyuとしましょう。exceptは、硬い表現なので、ここは anything else but ice skating. とした方がいいかと思われます。

この回答へのお礼

丁寧なご回答ありがとうございました。凡ミスが多くてお恥ずかしい...;;

お礼日時：2018/04/30 13:50

No.1 回答者： yossytake2 回答日時： 2018/04/26 23:15

gooooood