英語討論「公共の場での喫煙は禁止すべきか」の添削お願いしますl。

Question

「公共の場での喫煙は禁止すべきか」というテーマで英語討論をすることになりました。私なりの考えを英文でまとめてみました。英語の討論をあまりしたことがないのですが、このような表現でよいのか自身がありません。よきアドバイスをおねがいします。

Smoking should be banned in public places; for or against?

   I support a bun about smoking in public places such as eating and drinking places , department stores, hospitals, theaters, assembly halls , and so on…..
   For reason, the first, the harmful effects of tobacco on health are well known. I read on the web that every year about 5 million people around the world die from tobacco-related illnesses.  Moreover evidence about the risks of passive smoking is clear,  I’ve hard that second-hand smoking in the workplace causes many deaths each year.
 I have a child so I worried when I go with my son to stores or restaurant, if there is a person who is smoking around us.  
   
  The second reason is that a ban would encourage more smokers to quit.  My husband smokes every day, but I want him to quit smoking for my son, me and himself.
I think ,however , It’s difficult for him to quit…  

  The third, the health-promotion law in Japan aims to prevent passive smoking in public places.  Now, many eating places have smoking or non-smoking seats, but I think for preventing passive smoking, smoking places should be covered tightly.
More aggressive methods are required.

kiwi-man · Accepted Answer

Smoking should be banned in public places; for or against?

I support a ban on smoking in public places such as restaurants and bars, department stores, hospitals, theaters, assembly halls, etc.

The first reason is because the harmful effects of tobacco on one's health are well known.  I read on the web that every year about 5 million people around the world die from tobacco-related illnesses.  Moreover, evidence about the risks of passive smoking is clear.  I've heard that second-hand smoke in the workplace causes many deaths each year.
I have a child and so I'm worried when I go with my son to stores or restaurants if there is someone smoking there.

The second reason is that a ban would encourage more smokers to quit.  My husband smokes every day, but I want him to quit smoking for my son, me and himself.  I think, however, it's difficult for him to quit.

Thirdly, the health-promotion law in Japan aims to prevent passive smoking in public places.  Now, many restaurants have smoking and non-smoking areas, but I think that to prevent passive smoking, the smoking areas should be enclosed.

More aggressive methods are required.

どうですか。

New Zealand has banned smoking in public places and it has made going out to restaurants so much more pleasant.  I have a two-year-old son and I'm glad that he lives in an environment where he won't be exposed to second-hand smoke.  Good luck with your debate, shiro1226.

Kiwi-man

akijake · Answer

再びakijakeです。
アドバイスになるかどうか判りませんが、
「私には子供がいるので、一緒にお店やレストランに行くときは、周りでタバコを吸っている人がいる場合、心配になります。」
を私流に訳してみました。

Since I have a son, it makes me worry to see people smoking nearby when I bring him out.

なんだか回りくどいですが、こんな感じでいかがでしょうか？
参考になれば嬉しいです。

akijake · Answer

こんにちわ。
意図がちゃんと伝わって来て判りやすいと思います。
綴りだの何だのは、恐らく討論なので関係ないですよね。
なので、ちょっと気づいた所だけ・・・。

禁煙はban on smokingで正しいのですが、banは発音が微妙に難しいので、聞き手に判りやすく「no smoking」と言ってしまってはどうでしょうか？

Now, many eating places have smoking or non-smoking seats
ここは「両方あっても分けられている」る事を示唆しているのでしょうか？これでは「どちらかがある」と言う意味に取れてしまいます。
言い方に気をつけてニュアンスを出すか、ちょこっと修正した方がベターかと思います。

ところどころ一文で時勢が混じっているところがあるので、話す時は多少気をつけた方がいいかもしれません。

それでは頑張って下さいね！

Deerhunter · Answer

英語のクラスでの発表で使用する原稿レベルであれば十分意味も通じますし、良く書けていると思います。
細かいことを指摘すると長くなりますので、最後の２行の　But 以降の文見直してください。
Covered tightly と Agressive method が気になります。completely isolated, should be air-tight to shut off smoke とか、Agressive →effective, drastic measures など参考まで。

英語討論「公共の場での喫煙は禁止すべきか」の添削お願いしますl。

Smoking should be banned in public places; for or against?

再びakijakeです。

こんにちわ。

この回答への補足

英語のクラスでの発表で使用する原稿レベルであれば十分意味も通じますし、良く書けていると思います。

この回答への補足

関連するカテゴリからQ&Aを探す

デイリーランキングこのカテゴリの人気デイリーQ&Aランキング

マンスリーランキングこのカテゴリの人気マンスリーQ&Aランキング