The birthrate in Japan has been decreasing . What are the mjor cases of this soc

つぎの問題に対して、英語で答える問題なのですが、悪いところをしていただきたいと思います。英語での回答をできればよろしくお願いいたします。


The birthrate in Japan has been decreasing . What are the mjor cases of this social trend. ? (About 100 words )

わたしが考えたことです。

日本の出生率は下がってきています。
この社会傾向にはいくつかの原因があると思います。
まずひとつめは、結婚しない女性の数が増加していることです。
彼らは、家庭で子育てをすることより、結婚よりも仕事に生きがいを感じて
仕事を選んでいます。また他の理由としては、自分で
自立できる思う女性の数が増えていることです。
企業は女性に仕事を与えるか機会が多くなり、
男女差別の問題も、昔と比べてなくなってきているからだと思います。
以上のことから、ますます日本の出生率は悪化していると
思います。

１、考えたことと違うことがあれば、英語での回答をよろしくお願いできないでしょうか？
２、わたしの書いた英文でまちがっているところがあれば、よりよい英文でお書きいただけたらと思います。不自然な日本ですみません。


英語で書いたものです。

Japanese birth rate has been decreasing these days.
I think there are several reasons for this social trend.
First, the number of women who don't marry is increasing.
They find it much more a lot of fun to work than to marry or raise a
child at home. Secondly, more and more women which they think can live by themselves are increasing. Many comapnies can give them opportunities to work there
and the problems of discreminations between men and wemen are decreasing compared with the past.
Therefore, Japanese birhtrate is getting worse and worese.

No.2 ベストアンサー 回答者： googoo1956 回答日時： 2009/11/19 01:30

　I can understand what you want to say, but I'm afraid there are several mistakes in your essay.

(1) The birth rate in Japan is decreasing these days.
　　('These days' is not used in the present perfect tense.)

(2) the number of women who don't get married is increasing.
　　(The intransitive verb 'marry' usually accompanies an adverbial phrase, so 'get married' is better here.)

(3) they find it much more interesting to work than to get married to raise chidren at home.
　　(You don't have to put 'a lot of' before fun if you use 'much more'. Moreover, 'inetersting' is better than 'fun' because work isn't usually fun in itself.)

(4) the number of women who they think can live by temselves are increasing.
　　('more and more' and 'is increasing' don't agree with each other. It is 'the number' that is increasing. The relative pronoun should be 'who' because the subject of 'can live' must be a person.)

(5) the problems of dscrimination between ... compared to the past.
　　( 'Discrimination' is an uncoutable noun. 'Compared with' should be 'compared to.')

(6) The birthrate in Japan is getting lower and lower.
　　(We don't say the birthrate is good or bad. We say the birthrate is high or low.)

　Most of what you are trying to say may be undestood, but you have to be more careful about the choices of words.

　If you learn more about the correct usage of grammar, your essay will be much better. I hope you work harder and become more used to writing good English. I hope it helps ...

この回答へのお礼

Thank you so much for answering my questions !!
I'd like to thank you becuase you help me a lot with my questions all the time.
I really appriciate your help !!


I'm sorry. I learned how to use the words of " these days "and" recently".
I made a mistate choosing a word.

Yes, as you say, work in self isn't fun .I'll use "interesting".
About the line (4), I understood. I should have written more clearly by using simple grammaars. However, I was too serious. It's the part " more and more wemen they think can live by themselves are increasing. " I'll write more simply next time.

Thank you so much Mr/Ms googoo. I still have lots more to work on . I 'll do my best !! Thank you for your concern about me all the time.＾＾

お礼日時：2009/11/19 18:26

No.4 回答者： googoo1956 回答日時： 2009/11/19 09:52

＞(4) the number of women who they think can live by temselves are increasing.

　I' sorry to say that the sentence above, which I showed to you last time, should be changed as follows.

→　(4) the number of women who they think can live by temselves is increasing.

　As the word 'number' is singular, the verb 'are increasing" should be replaced with 'is increasing.'

　In addition, maybe needless to say, the relative pronoun 'who' can be left out, although it works as the subject of 'can live.'

　I hope lots of answers are given by many people and they make you improve your writing ability even better. Thank you.

この回答へのお礼

Thank you so much for answering again.
Yes, I learned verb after " the number of " should be changed to " singular, not plural verb.
I think I have a narrow outlook on things, so I should look at this problem from a deffernt point of veiw. Thank you. I could never have done this by myself.

お礼日時：2009/11/20 22:01

No.3 回答者： SPS700 回答日時： 2009/11/19 03:21

　First, I think the first line is superfluous, because the premise is already given in the question, unless you can tie it in to the subsequent lines.

Second, the following can be modified as follows:
>>They find it much more a lot of fun to work than to marry or raise a child at home.

They find it more fun to get a paying job than to marry or raise a child at home.

I suggested changing "work" to "paying job" because housework IS work.

Otherwise your sentences look fine.

この回答へのお礼

Thank you so much for answering my questions!

I think you should not write the first sentence of " Japanese birth rate has been decreasing these days".

But the first line is very impotant and I think it necessary to write like that. It's becuase it is " topic sentence". " Usuallly , a paragraph begins with a general sentence that introduces the topic. This sentence is called the topic sentence, and it tells the reader what the paragraph is going to be about ".
Therefore I said in the first line , " Japanese birthlate in Japan has been descreasing. ( I'm sorry I put " these days " there. It was a mistake .) Thank you so much ＾＾

お礼日時：2009/11/20 21:52

No.1 回答者： nekomac 回答日時： 2009/11/18 23:06

I think your English is perfect.

But I can't agree with your conclusion that Japanese birth rate has been decreasing.
The first reason of decreasing birth rate is that people have no job.
Unemployment rate has been rising year by year.
Secondly, most of firms don't accept a maternity leave in Japan.
So, women who want to birth must make up their mind to give up working after child birth.
I doubt whether women still want to birth or not.

この回答への補足

I 'm sorry . I made a mistake ! It's not child care leave, but child-care leave . We need a hyfen between child and care.

補足日時：2009/11/19 17:52

この回答へのお礼

Thank you so much for ansering my questions !!
In fact, I didnt think I said properly what I wanted to write .
These are the plot of what I thought .

[women's participation in society]
1 ) One of the causes is that women have been choosing to have careers. As a result,

2 ) there are few wowen who have the time to have children.

[tendency to marry later]
1) Other major causes is that wemen are getting married at an oder age.

2) As wemen choose to get married at an older age, they often find themselves unable to safely have children.

I thought over the problem of "child care leave " and the cost of raiseing chileren ( it is very high and there are not enough financial support from the government ) but this time I chose the topic of "women's participation in society" and "tendency to marry later". Thank you so much for pointing out my errors. !!

お礼日時：2009/11/19 17:50